It's crazy to think about what the future has in store. Looking back, it seems like forever ago that I was a freshman in college...but looking at the time from now and then, it seems so short. I never really understood this, and how the temporal relativity can really make it seem like your life is all over the place. I've changed, but I haven't. I've grown, but too fast or too slow. Weird.

I know I've changed a lot these past four years. I've matured in a lot of areas, and probably regressed in others. I've become a better person for what it's worth, but also more selfish. I guess it's healthier this way, to be growing in both directions, since it keeps me grounded and from wandering too far off my path. My fear has always been that college would change me so much that I would lose contact with all my friends from home, but it's nice to know that my friendships haven't changed much. I don't know if that means nothing is changing, or if everyone is kind of growing together. Maybe those mean the same thing.

So now, as I decide on which graduate school offer I want to accept, I can't help but think of whether I will be happy with my choice and worry that I still don't know myself enough to make an informed decision. Maybe experiencing a new environment and exposing myself to new people can help me grow in one area, but staying where I'm comfortable and accustomed can help me improve in another. Two years from now, I won't be the same person who sits in front of this screen, and there's a lot of pressure to make a choice that will ensure that this newer person won't just be different, but better. I know this all sounds cliche, but I've never really been good at accepting change. But it's at least some comfort that I'm not the only one terrified of the future.